


They Don't Love Me (Fandom 1: Haikyuu)

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 11:29:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13145748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	1. Chapter 1

Aoba Johsai.

One would wonder why someone would choose to attend a school where everybody was a stranger. 

I didn’t care. Everybody was in shades of grey, mere shadows of the light they didn’t have. Their darkness shrouded me, covering all my imperfections, my mundanity. They were so boring they consumed my individuality.

Now, you might be wondering, dear reader, am I insane? Am I mad? Oh, I sure am. I am more than just mad, I’m fakely mad. I’m translucent, you know? You can’t fully see through me, but you sure do know you can all relate to me.

Why? Because I am a figment of your imagination, the inner fangirl who wants to believe that this story is real. I’m the one who keeps you awake at night, pondering. Pondering. Pondering.

PONDERING.  
If they were real, they would surely like you, would they?

Would they not hate you once they learned you scorned the very sport they played?  
Oh, they would. They would hate you pitying them after a loss. After all, it was them who poured their heart and soul into the game, not you.

Oh, you.  
You, who believed that you would be different from the others. Well, honey, I’m sorry but there are around another million of you around the world, thinking the same. But there’s a chance isn’t there?

Of course, there’s a chance. That is especially so if you act like a tsundere towards the popular ones, you think. 

Ha.  
That’s a lie. You know it, hell even I know it.

But still, you stay up all night, your head against a pillow, projecting the great love story between you and whomever your small otaku heart wishes.

It’s pitiful.

But you still try.

I mean, there is hope, right?


	2. Chapter 2

Nekoma.

Oh, look! The little fangirl’s learned that Oikawa would hate her. You’ve moved on.

To another one.

You try to get their attention, using all your presumed attractiveness. Because, obviously, when imagining these scenes, you’d never be yourself. This time, you’re a gorgeous badass with hair in shades you can’t even pronounce.

Do they fall for it? 

In your mind, they would, but in actuality, they’d disregard you. Maybe Lev would care if a pretty girl was watching him, but who said you were pretty?

Who said you had become your OC just because you’d found Nekoma?

NOBODY.

Even if by some miracle, you managed to end up looking like your made-up self, wouldn’t the love story between you and them seem fake?

That’s not how you look, that’s not who you are. Your other self is fragile, transparent.

It is glass.

Maybe you should just go for Kuroo. Maybe he can introduce you to Bokuto since your little otaku mind can’t choose between the two. That’s okay, right?

They technically don’t exist, so if you have both, it won’t matter right?

The worst part is that I can’t regard the characters’ feelings at this point.

We’re all sorry, but still we go on. We dream an unflawed version of ourselves and wish ourselves into perfection.

Wish ourselves somewhere else.


	3. Chapter 3

Shiratorizawa.

Your wistful thinking has you going back to yet another illusion. At this point, there’s no doubt you’ll be categorized as yet another no face in the crowd. When you cheer with the rest, no more than the occasional accidental glance is given to you. 

You want to cry, but keep cheering with false bravado. It’s moments like this that humble you down. You even start to sympathize with weakling livestock from those reverse harems. You know, the ones you watch only for the never-ending plethora of men.

That’s when you get hit by a volleyball...and saved by your beloved miracle boy.

You wish.

Instead, it’s the group of fangirls that gather around you and help. Yes, the people who are portrayed so horribly in fictional worlds of fictional worlds. They are so sweet, so shy, only empowered when cheering and engaging in the activity of obsession. 

Why would you ever hate them?  
You know it’s because you’re not selfless enough to let other females dominate in this game. You refuse to believe you aren’t the main character.

What if you were?

What if your happy ending was just the start of a fail?

Maybe you’re the ex, and the so-called ‘epilogue’ in your fanfictions is the just the calm before the storm. But of course you keep believing you are the one, the queen of all, the one who will survive. 

That’s probably why you’re so desperate in real life. Now, you’re probably insulted at this point, but remember, I am you, and I am a creation of your imagination. Remember, what you’ve created can be deleted.

Of course, you won’t.

I wouldn’t either.

So we will leave quietly, and bring our false hope to another hellhole. Someday, we’ll be the heroine and win our prize.


	4. Chapter 4

Date Tech  
The three-dimensional world believes you’re dead. You jokingly tell the world you’re dead inside. Unbeknownst to you, they actually believe the teenager lies you feed them. They feed off the idea of you being different, and you feed off their dislike and judgment. Sometimes, you may even love it.

It makes you feel like someone from your beloved fiction.

You laugh like Kuroo, smile like Noya, respond like Oikawa, and exaggerate your personality. Every movement is stretched out. Although you’re so bold in your actions, you’re still afraid to talk to your own kind, the fangirl.

But, for the sake of your fictional characters, you manage to utter a couple choked words to the other fangirl before collapsing in fear. 

You’re pathetic.  
The worst part is that you and I cannot seem to understand that fiction is fiction and it will never be real as long as it is reality’s creation. You may cry all the tears you can, but even if your skin dries out and you’re on the verge of death, you still hold on…

To Aone.  
To his jacket.  
To hope.

But you quickly get shrugged off and that’s the end for you.

This is the last time, you think.


	5. Chapter 5

Fukurodani.

You swore you’d never come back here but the urge is too strong, isn’t it? It’s all my fault, keeping you infected with the disease of obsession...addiction. How do you love creations of perfection so easily? Are we humans so weak we cannot even conquer our own creations?

Maybe we are the creations. For all we know, we could be nothing more than paper dolls with crayon-drawn eyes and an attachment to the unattainable. Our brains are defected, wired to believe in nothing.

Nothing but fiction.  
We try so hard to add personalities to the characters we so dearly love, but we are no more than 1 emotion ourselves. That’s probably why we find ourselves attached to the simple-minded idiots. 

Like Bokuto.

It’s quite funny how you can be asked why you like a character so much and reply with only a surprised squeak. Is it really so hard to do much more than rant about the beauty of the fictional?

That’s probably why we are rejected by all but ourselves.


End file.
